ramblings of an insane mind
by colorful swirls
Summary: Annie, and saying goodbye.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games trilogy.**

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_Dear, Finnick:_

_I am not sure of anything as of late, but if there was one thing I am almost-sure of, it would be you._

_Honestly, I think that this life has not been all life is cracked up to be. I rather feel like I've been cheated. First, I was born in District Four, which is actually not a bad place to be born, if only I was allowed to stay there._

_I got Reaped, though. You know that, Finn. I had to go play in the Games, the sick game of our country._

_Would you call it checkers or chess, Finnick?_

_I think it's chess. They certainly use us as pawns._

_It might be checkers, still, though. It's also two against one, red (blood) against black (mourning)._

_The only thing I don't understand is, Finnick - how do they always win? Every single time, they defeat us, and Katniss with her berries was the closest I've ever seen anyone to beating them._

_Every time, Finn. Every single game, they win. I'm being redundant, I know, but it just astounds me._

_They're cheating. They have to be. It's simple - you can't draw the winning card every time. This game is rigged._

_They're all cheaters, each and every one of them._

_What do you think, Finnick? Are they cheating? Or by some miracle, are they truly that good at taking lives?_

_I'm not sure._

_Anyways, something.. something happened while I was in the Games. My first time, I mean. People say I went mad, but that isn't true._

_I think I didn't go mad, I think that I rather went insane._

_I do feel insane sometimes - not mad, though. Sometimes I feel like the whole world is just a bomb that keeps ticking, and one day everything will blow up, and we'll all fly into the outer space. Or the heavens._

_Someone told me once that there is a Heaven, and that all the good people will meet up there when time is up. But I'm not sure if I believe that - because I don't want to think this, but if it is true, none of us will go to Heaven._

_We're not good. We're all crazy, murdering, lunatics._

_And, Finnick, these thoughts are certainly insane._

_The world can't be a bomb. It isn't possible. But people can be bombs, certainly._

_I think Katniss is a bomb. But I'm not sure who will blow her up._

_Maybe it'll be Peeta. It might be Gale, though, or even you, Finnick, though I doubt you'd care so much for Katniss to kill her._

_Or possibly, you do care about her that much, and I'm actually being jealous, like a normal girl would be, because you're very desirable, Finnick. I don't like to admit it. But you are._

_I didn't originally intend to ramble like this in this letter. Quite frankly, I was supposed to be saying my goodbyes, as my doctor told me to do._

_My doctor might be insane, too, I think._

_At my appointment with him last week, he asked me how I was doing, and I said that I was quite fine, actually, just missing you._

_And he sighed and told me that it was perfectly understandable to miss you. So I asked him when he guessed you would be back._

_This seemed to surprise him; his eyebrows flew into his hair. "Well, never," he said, like it was obvious, and he gave me a pen and this paper and said to write you my goodbyes._

_He said you were dead._

_Which, in my opinion, is quite an insane thought._

_You're not dead, Finn. You can't be._

_I know you're not, because I would've felt you die, in that little part of my chest that you always say belongs to you. And if you had died, you would've taken that part with you, obviously._

_But my chest feels perfectly normal. Which means that somewhere, you're alive. Gale told me you were in some meadow._

_I'd like to think of you in a meadow, Finn. As long as there's a lake. You've always been a fish, dear._

_You might be wondering how I've spoken to Gale, since he's in District Two. Well, I actually went to see all our friends (that aren't with you in the meadow - say hello to those guys for me, will you?)._

_I don't really remember a lot from the visits, except for what Gale told me, and the way Peeta gave me a flower, and Katniss told me to stay strong._

_I'm not sure why she told me that, though, since she's the one without a sister. Maybe I am mad._

_I don't feel mad, like I said. I feel like I'm insane and I miss you and I just thought of this - bring me some flowers for my hair when you come home, alright? It's looking quite ugly today, actually._

_Johanna told me to wash it, duh, when I mentioned this to her, but I don't really want to wash it. It's still got your touch in it, Finn, and I don't want to wash away the last connection to you I've got - the oil your fingers left in my hair._

_It's sad, I know, to want your finger oil in my hair, but until you come back, it's all I've got._

_I think someone's at the door. I have to go, Finnick._

_I love you. I miss you. And you're not dead. But I still miss you._

_Watch for visits from me, because I don't know how long I can stand it without you._

_Include directions to the meadow in your reply, please, Finn._

_Yours always, _

_Annie_

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**So, I try for a deep, meaningful letter from Annie to Finnick after his death, and I end up with this. **

**Oh, well.**

**Review anyways, please! :) This is my first venture into the HG fandom.**


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